Painful meaning
From;    Author:Stand originally

Recently a few months, will look for me to do coach the person with cure is not little, it is depressed almost (the law case of Depression) , every time after they went, I have better time to cannot work probably, whole head stops in on the case, introspection and self-criticism, be afraid that I fail to help them effectively greatly.

Depressed person often is right oneself cannot perfect acceptance, also have environmental difficulty to external environment. They are immersed in a kind of angst, disappointment and helpless abyss via regular meeting and cannot extricate oneself, this kind of anguish is very big.

My constant thinks: "Is this kind of anguish significant? "

I suffer before 3 months invite go a communion makes a speech, the theme is " the living standard of Christian " . Because oneself are the primary on purpose of Christian, wait to Bible, doctrinal, canon have a lot of knowledge. Also be in as a result of oneself such team is old, also know very well human affairs the confusion between and complex, it is the organization that the person forms after all, it also does not have this some contend for power and profit shortage. In making a speech so, I mention believer for many times people due oneself definite idea and judgement, do not follow blindly church, compasses or it is authoritative personage. After all, oneself belief and behavior are to want to be in charge of to god and oneself, share church to ask believer wants to go every Sunday when me especially go to church, make otherwise " great pain " when, I very do not agree with. After all, if the god is the word of love, can he go because of you how again go to church and punish you? If be punished everywhere, how does that make love again? After the speech, a lot of people like very much, because I am them " solved set " , but after thinking of one week, rumor rise from all directions, think my one's words brings risk to their belief. Somebody writes an article to atttack me, rear not only it is to criticize me, the gentleman that connects me also suffers disaster, I wrote an article to want to clarify, but be examined however and be prohibited publishing, my heart is very furious very painful also, I ask God: "Is this kind of anguish significant? "

I am thinking over all the time recently, does the anguish of life have value after all? If do not have value, that why thorny issue happens everywhere, happen constantly? Parents worries children; Children does not feel to be admitted by understanding; Human relation produces a problem; The exam fails; Deal is not great... it seems that life is inferior to meaning thing nine times out of ten, but if significant, so does the meaning where again?

Last week my gentleman and I drive to go to boreal California teach, distance of 8 hours, we spoke of this problem. My this ability observes my two people that had a lot of pain namely as a child. His home all the time very poor, father dies 9 years old in its, from now on he and anguish became affinity repeatedly. Because be painful expert, he can cherish oneself and others more, more love helps others. I am same also, as a child father falls ill, others home wanted on the telephone, freezer... whats don't have my home. The best middle school on others take an examination ofing, I am entered the poorest. One grade thinks high school the suicide, because too painful. The feeling does not have a person understanding and admit me, wanted to go only. After-thought rises now, I feel to have a paragraph of such experience very " happy " . Because thenceforth rises, I begin to ponder over the problem of meaning of life value, life, and a lot of is the same as age the friend still stays on vexed course result only.
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